Archives For Meow Blogs

When my daughter Christina got to law school in Philadelphia, she wanted a kitten. She got one from a friend’s parents in upper Pennsylvania, who already had 17 rather inbred cats. She named it Chairman Meow and true to its name it was dominant, vocal, demanding and was a voracious eater. Christina often commented that it’s full button appeared to be broken. When she returned for her first visit back to California, she took her kitty to a cat boarding facility in Philly. Upon announcing its name, they calmly informed her that her animal was the 11th such feline they had boarded with the name Chairman Meow. She was crestfallen.

Chairman2

I think everyone who names a pet tries to go for something unique and descriptive. Secretly many are hoping their pet will be the next Grumpy Cat. Many are looking for that one name that will help their pet capture the imagination of the masses, cat-apult their cat to stardom and maybe even lead to some form of monetization. Thus the rise of the evil dictator cat names, the Chairman Meows, the Kitlers, the Pussalinis, the Catsros and even the Meowseph Stalins. It has been noted that dogs have masters but that cats have servants. So before you decide to name your cat after an evil dictator, try and decide whether you want to be your cat’s servant or possibly its slave.

Kitler

When it comes to our present election season, it seems there are a lot of cats vying for power. How about Hillary Kitten, Gato Rubio or Purrney Sanders? When it comes to Trump, what seems to work is “Clump” but I wouldn’t want to litter your mind with any bathroom humor. People may point out that someone with a feline disposition already has a huge influence in the White House…could that be Meowchelle Obama? You Cat to be Kitten Meow as we say in our house!!!!

Truth is one of the human race’s first tasks in the Garden of Eden was naming the animals. It seems like Adam had no problem coming up with appropriate names. I mean elephant, cheetah and hippopotamus all seem to fit. I think since eating from that tree, our skills seem to have deteriorated. A Google search of cat names yielded such choices as Catastrofee, Jaspurr and MeowColm X. When it comes to going celebrity in our cat naming one can only begin to cringe. How about Catrick Swayze, Brad Kitt, Fuzz Lightyear and Leonardo Dicatprio.

Bottom line is we need cats that are appropriately named and that we can live with for four, eight or 14 years to come. One tip that may help you in making a good choice and enable you to be more like Adam in the Garden is just to name what you see. Christina bought Chairman Meow home and dumped her (in a weak parental moment) with her unsuspecting parents. She then went back for a second year in law school and found another inbred Pennsylvania kitten. This time she just named what she saw and got Patchy.

Patchy2

Patchy or Patch Patch, as we call her, has the most pitiful meow and is skinny as a rake. She has none of the dictatorial tendencies of Chairman. A look at the top 100 most popular cat names on cuteness.com reveals that this “name what you see” strategy may truly work. In those top 100 you get names like Oreo, Mittens, Ginger, Boots, Snickers, Rusty and Socks. So the moral of the story is to be careful how you name your next kitten or leader. You may just get what you choose.

In the first Meow blog, we dealt with monetizing Meow and I promised in a future blog to deal with Chairman Meow’s voracious appetite. My daughter Christina got Chairman Meow from a rather inbred region of Pennsylvania and she came with two main distinctives, one, she is continually vocal and two, as Christina puts it, her full button appears to be broken.

Chairman Meow2photo(41)

Chairman also does not know how to function in the background. She wants everything NOW. If she sits on you, she wants to sit on your chest and make sure you can do nothing else except pet her. Texting is completely out of the question. When Christina brought her home, miraculously she was the correct weight, I think through a starvation diet of a law school student who was seldom home. Somehow we were entrusted with the task of keeping her at the correct weight and so the anti porky warning photos started coming. She said these were a cautionary tail if we didn’t curtail her voracious eating habits.

Porky2Porky

Of course Christina continued to send photos of other animals, always with the question: “Can we have one?” Of course who doesn’t want a few sheep or a llama or a giraffe, or a few of them, in their back yard?

photo(43)Giraffe2

Chairman unfortunately has continued to put on weight but we try and conceal it with photos taken at strategic angles like the lightbulb pose or the silhouette pose. The lighting or angle either helps disguise the porkiness or simply disappear the fat. Whichever way, they help her look just a little less porky.

photo 3Silhouette

I found this photo for Christina and suggested the porkiness may not be so great if we gave her a bath like this cat. Somehow I don’t think we would have the same result.

photo 5Fighting

So now we are to blame for making Chairman porky. Christina is presently working on a way to monetize Meow’s porkiness. You see our other cat Mokona, who is the dark black one, used to be overweight. Since Meow invaded the house, she eats all her own food plus half of Mokona’s. Chairman also chases Mokona around the house and we often find them having a cat scrap like in the photo. What if we offered our home to overweight cats. Chairman would make sure their intake was halved and she would give them so much exercise, they would be slim and trim in no time. Kind of like a Jenny Craig for cats. We will see how that turns out. More about Meow soon to come.

Monetizing Meow?

April 21, 2014 — Leave a comment

I told my daughter Christina (25) today that I am starting to add postings about cats and pets to my blog. She is about to graduate from a prestigious East Coast top-100 law school and is single-handedly responsible for making cats, and every other kind of pet, a dominant part of my life. I told her writing about cats was the one topic I would hardly have to think about because cat content literally flies at me from her every day. She repeatedly tells me she has NO intention of joining a law firm after graduation. According to her, all of her 8 years of post secondary training are leading her to help the San Diego Zoo implement procedures to reduce issues of liability. Translation, she wants a job with them that allows her to pet all their animals without having to clean up the poop.

The other alternative that frequently gets floated to help pay back vast amounts of student loans is that we find Grumpy Cat number 2, an ugly feline specimen that so captivates the minds of the public that major retailers are willing to name products such as Starbuck’s new Grumpachinos after it and pay royalties for the use of its unhappy image. Inevitably Grumpy cat became the vehicle through which Christina began to express her feelings concerning the Superbowl and the winter from hell the East Coast recently experienced. All I know is that Christina was literally begging me for some “Global Warming.”
Superbowl both loseSnow Grumpy
Now Christina took steps in the direction of finding a monetizable cat early in her law degree. She secured an adorable kitten from a friend and named it Chairman Meow. She was very proud of the name until she wanted to visit home for a week and took Chairman to a local cat kennel. She was quite disgruntled to discover that her cat was the 10th “Chairman Meow” they had housed. Of course it wasn’t long before Chairman had made her way from the East Coast to our home in California and joined the long list of pets deposited with her parents for “safe keeping.” Here is Chairman Meow, no longer a kitten but definitely a daily part of my life. As far as the monetizing part, it’s not going too well. She arrived with a very large appetite (subject of a future blog) and is presently costing me a fortune. The one side benefit has been that our other previously porky cat has gotten thinner because Chairman eats both her food and most of the other cat’s food also.
Chairman Meow2
Well probably two times a day I get a text from Christina with a photo of some adorable pet followed by the inevitable question “can we have one?” Here is one recent photo of her with alpacas:
Alpacas2
Well as you can tell, we are just getting warmed up. More cat and pet postings will soon follow. This is one blog topic that promises to never run out of content. I’m not quite sure what the redeeming message is but maybe it’s that you don’t always get what you originally planned but hopefully you get a lot of laughs and humor along the way.